It's always a privilege to meet and work with a new client for the first time. At some point in their life, that person has made the decision to seek help, and to reach out to a professional therapist or coach. Often arriving with a mix of feelings and emotions, it is not uncommon to find a new client feeling lost, stuck, overwhelmed, or perhaps carrying a heavy burden of responsibility and problems that feel unsolvable and insurmountable. I don't use the word privilege lightly. I say this because I recognise that working as a professional therapist comes with great responsibility, and a duty to act ethically, with integrity, and to meet someone who is revealing themselves at the height of their vulnerability. Moreover, this person is trusting their therapist to be fully present, to be non-judgmental, to be empathetic, to respect confidentiality, and to hopefully give them a glimmer of hope for their future.
It's that word, hope, that I wish to focus on here.

The First Session Homework

Around five to ten minutes before the end of the first session in therapy, I often ask the client if they would be open to undertaking a small homework task. I usually soften this request with the caveat that it need not involve any formal written work or the completion of a worksheet. This is usually met with curiosity and interest.

I ask the client to imagine that we are looking into their future. We are looking ahead to several weeks, or perhaps months, down the line, where we have finally reached an end point in therapy. Everything they came to therapy for in their very first session has now been fully, or at least substantially, resolved. They have reached a point where any suffering they were first experiencing has been transformationally repaired. Unhelpful coping mechanisms have been significantly reduced; distressing feelings and emotions have stopped occurring; and any problematic habits or situations they were first facing have either disappeared completely, or no longer present as a problem.

I ask them to imagine they are walking into the client room for their very last session. They sit down in the chair opposite me, and imagine they are now living the life that at one point never felt obtainable, but is now a lived reality.

I pause. And then I ask: "What does your life look like now? What story do you want to tell me? What's new in your life that you didn't have before? What burdens no longer feature, that were previously weighing you down or holding you back?"

More Than a Homework Task

This exercise is perhaps one of the most important steps a new client can take at the start of their therapeutic journey. It is essentially asking someone whether they can see a way out from where they're currently residing. It's asking them to think about whether they have a clear vision, or a dream, for their future. It's an exploration of their aspirations, and an insight into their belief systems about what may or may not be possible for their idealised self.

But crucially, this question is so much more than that. It is asking someone to look deeply within themselves and reflect on whether they really know where they want to be. For some, it's asking them to think about what might be that glimmering light in what feels like a world of darkness. It is this glimmer of hope that I call the lighthouse.

The Ship at Sea

When people first start their journey in therapy, their current situation can be envisioned as a ship at sea. The weather is stormy and unpredictable, the waves powerful and relentless. The sails on the boat might be in need of repair, or the ship's engine may have run out of fuel. There is no map to follow, no GPS system to navigate with. Safety can feel like it is thousands of miles away.

The lighthouse, in this context, represents hope. It is literally a guiding light in the darkness, so that even when the compass might be broken or the ship is in urgent need of maintenance and repair, it provides the crucial navigation to safety, whilst also warning against potential hazards and pitfalls ahead.

Have you ever woken up early on a summer's morning and noticed that no matter how tightly you close the curtains, there is always one tiny crack where the light manages to get through? All it takes is a matter of millimetres, and sunlight manages to fill most of the room with dispersed light.

Now what happens when you reverse that? Will a tiny sliver of darkness fill a room that is already well lit? It won't. All that's needed is a tiny speck of light, and it can have the most profound impact in a room full of darkness. That same principle takes place at sea. The ship might be in the darkest skies, at the mercy of the strongest storm, waves crashing against the sides of the boat, and yet there shines in the distance the lighthouse.

Three Things to Know 
About the Lighthouse…

The first is that the lighthouse represents what you think is possible.
Not everyone who comes to therapy is able to see that lighthouse at first. Sometimes the storm is so chaotic, and the ship is being tossed about so violently, that it's impossible to focus on anything long enough to see it. But without direction, and without navigation, that ship will continue to be at the mercy of the seas unless it has something to steer towards.

The second is that everyone needs hope. 
Not everyone who comes to therapy is able to see that lighthouse at first. Sometimes the storm is so chaotic, and the ship is being tossed about so violently, that it's impossible to focus on anything long enough to see it. But without direction, and without navigation, that ship will continue to be at the mercy of the seas unless it has something to steer towards.

The third is that we cannot control the weather, or the waves.
What is within our control is the ability to respond to them. Through therapy, you can repair and maintain the ship, that's you by the way, so that it is seaworthy and hardy enough to withstand the strongest gales. Through coaching, you learn to find your destination, your lighthouse, and direct your ship towards it. Coaching equips you with the best possible navigational skills to float over the waves or to smash through them. Integrative therapy is a shared journey, where you are the captain of your ship, and your therapist is riding alongside you. Your therapist might not be in the same boat, but they can certainly travel by your side, seeing you through safely to your destination.

Ready to Find Your Lighthouse?

If any of this resonates with you, and you're interested in working together to find your own personal lighthouse, I'd love to hear from you. Drop me an email to say hello, or if you prefer, we can have a free 15-minute conversation by phone or over Zoom.

As I said at the beginning of this article, the hardest part of the therapeutic journey is having the courage to take that first step and show up. Courage is not the absence of fear, but the ability to keep going despite the fear being present.

Are you ready to take your first step?
Get in touch here.